Need a Self-Esteem Boost? Take a freshman-level History Class!!

Despite a desperate attempt to bypass American History 152, I was coerced into taking it this semester by that ever-tempting reward of removing the word "school" from the end of my sentences beginning with, "No I can't _____ because I have to go to..." Although I began the class with a particularly snobbish attitude towards the material, I soon became accustomed to the constant gratification of remembering things have learned without really trying to recall them. It's like that feeling you get when you suddenly and unconsciously blurt out the correct answer for the final question on Jeopardy, but for an entire block of fifty minutes! I encourage anyone feeling a little down to test this pick me up. It works.

Jaelbait

Wednesday means America’s Next Top Model. If you missed it and plan to watch the rerun Sunday night, do not read further.

While Twiggy talked to the girls about changing their name, I thought to myself What would my name be? If I kept my name like Jael and Jaslene did, my name would be Ann. Boring. Maybe Chann. What would the four sides of me be?

I really like Jaslene; she has a crazy body that both scares and impresses me. Every time she undresses and we see her white cotton undies I'm like What? I really dislike Jael for so many reasons. The voice (obviously). The clothes (the short plaid skirt, the tan one-piece gaucho pant situation). If she were hot, we could call her Jaelbait, but she’s not. She has terrible skin. Makeup doesn’t work. And then the party and the crazy dancing? Back at the house, she's often half naked. If you want to see her naked, well, you can. She wants to be a Suicide Girl so bad.

It’s Not You

Please read last week's article in the Times, It's Not You, It's Your Apartment. Here are some more titles to think about.

1. It's Not You, It's Your Alma Mater

2. It's Not You, It's Your Borough

3. It's Not You, It's Your Cameltoe

4. It's Not You, It's Your Emoticons

5. It's Not You, It's Your Friends

6. It's Not You, It's Your iPod Mini

7. It's Not You, It's Your Live-in-Girlfriend

8. It's Not You, It's Your Neighborhood

9. It's Not You, It's Your Pepper Mill

10. It's Not You, It's Your Shoes

Music, movies and stuff

Blonde Redhead’s new album 23 is out April 10. Pre-order it on iTunes and get the bonus track Signs on the Path. I guess, Lo, in between walking their dog in Tompkins Square Park and buying sushi at Dean & Deluca they were makin a new album.

I recommend seeing Bong Joon-ho’s The Host. I’ve wanted to see it since the January cover of Artforum. It’s playing at Sunshine, which means it will probably play there until summer. According to Gawker Stalker, Lou Reed didn’t like the movie (“what the fuck was that?”). My only complaint about it was the last scene—I won’t ruin the ending—with its Street Fighter fireballs-esque not-so-special effects. I could probably make better fire with Prismacolors. My coworker, who is Korean, recommends Bong Joon-ho’s earlier film, Memories of Murder. Apparently it is scarier, less funny. Netflix has it. When I finish all four seasons of Felicity I will add it to my queue.

Lauren Ambrose is in a new movie, Diggers—and, like, five other ones, four of which are in post-production. Diggers is another coming-of-age movie about guy friends growing up in Long Island as clam diggers.

In other news, Annie’s Naturals Lemon & Chive Dressing is gross. Continental Airlines’ lemon dressing is more delicious.

Monday Top Five

Gold Lion (Diplo Remix), Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Irreplaceable, Beyoncé

Muscle'n Flo, Menomena

Rally, Phoenix

City, Lo Fi Fnk